| (no subject) |
[May. 14th, 2012|11:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | slipknot | ] |
Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again
So if you love me let me go
And run away before
I know My heart is just too dark to care
I can’t destroy what isn’t there
Deliver me into my fate
If I’m alone I cannot hate
I don’t deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know
I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn’t face a life without your lights
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight
So save your breath, I will not care
I think I made it very clear
You couldn’t hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren’t my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a saint
Ooh, my own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go
So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won’t listen to your shame
You ran away, you’re all the same
Angels lie to keep control
oh, my love was punished long ago
If you still care don’t ever let me know
If you still care don’t ever let me know
don't know if it's genral blah,or stress or something, but not feeling to perky today.
last exam on wednesday, 24 on thursday, working, working, working.
and my kitchen is full of spanish people and eggs.
i could do with a cocktail. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 27th, 2012|10:07 am] |
got conned at work yesterday. some guy (that looked like he would have happily sold me falafel) came in with a big wodge of £5 note and asked me to change them into something bigger. I counted them, there was £100 worth. he counted them, there was £100 pounds worth. I give him 5 £20. then he asks if i have a £10 not in til with a certain number on 'for his collection.'
basically, at this point i should have twigged. i should have called my manager, or just told him to piss off. wasn't till about 5 minutes after he'd gone when i recount the £5 notes and find we only have £80 pounds worth do i realize i'm not just being paranoid. i have been had.
basically, we where £75 fucking pounds down at the end of the night. (anything over £5 is considered bad, so seeing that it was £75 made me feel physically ill)
not a miss count, not a problem with cash drop, that was ME. my stupidity, my fault. fell like a massive douche bag and fear for my job a little.
apparently he's been in a three times before trying stuff like that (and only managed once) but at lest now we have his picture from the CCTV.
fuck i hope i don't get fired over this.
so stressed out about it that i couldn't sleep last night, so can into the library instead. guess thats one good thing. no sleep but plenty of study. much rather focus on the tricky nature of HIV then cunts who steal my money (and walked out without paying for a lolly pop) |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2012|08:56 am] |
oh, also
want to brag about how i meet yesterday.
So i'm cycling out of islington toward kings cross, and this guy passes my on my left hand side, quite close to me, ut he does say sorry.
as i watch him infront of me, i think, it's a slightly bussiness-y man in a long coat on a bike. looks a little trampy and for some reason he's wearing a hat with a home maan sherifs badge on.
At the next set of traffic lights i catch up with him.He's talking to a nothe cyclist, somthing about people jioning his cycle revalusion.
i look at him for a second, and then i twig
IT'S FUCKING BORIS JOHNSON!!!!
my mind thinks 'quick say somehitng cleaver, thanjk him for the cycle lanes but piont out the main reason you have to risk your life on the roads each day is because you can't afford fucking public transport.
do i do that, no.
I point and go 'omg your bori johnson, and give him a peace sign.
like a fucking douch bag.
feel so dignified. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 26th, 2012|09:04 pm] |
and unclense, just a little.
exam was today, didn't go terribly. didn't burst into flames or cry or start screaming.
answered the questions, or at lest, wrote something for all the questions.
gonna chillaxe tomorrow, go to Stafford and do some fucking shopping. (primark and tiger for the win)
then on wednesday, start revising for exams in may (virology and more immunology)
work wednesday, thursday adn friday night and after work on friday im gonna visit my mum to make up for missing her birthday. then back to london on sunday for work in the afternoon.
bussy but in a good way.
oh, nef have gift. address please. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2012|09:47 pm] |
*cough*
ok, may have been have a bit of an 'episode' of late, but things are, no epicly shit right now.
still panicked about exam, and would not be surprised if i do have a mental break down by the end of this year, but right at this moment of time, i'm not crap.
moved on saturday (FINALLY)
Now in hackney, nere to both a primark and a lidl. nice. not a bad place. it's grotty, but cheep and biger then what i had before. doesn't take that much longer to got to uni/work, and the water pressure is really good, so morning showers are epic. don't have a desk which is shit, so have set myself up on the floor with a pillow and an up turned box. it will do till i get a cheap desk.
work is still amazing, though we are dramaticly low on stock. can't wait till delivery day. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 15th, 2012|11:49 pm] |
i'm having a flash into the future, like some from of prophercy
i' going to have a mental break down. or am having one. a very slow one, like a slow puncher. the air is slowly leaking out of my brain, and soon i will be cycling on flat.
i have a new room. in hackeny. it's groty, bu cheap. but i havn;t moved in yet. half my stuff is there, and i want to move the rest of my stuff there, and i'm ready to move, just wiating to Kath o come back and give me a lift, but don't know when that will be. it's driving me mad. i'm packed, and wass ready to move last weekend, but she never turned up. don't like my things being split like this. i know it's a little petty, but i want my stuff. i have coat hangers here, but all my jewlery, and books and CDs are in hackney.
don't like disorder. need to focus on failing the exam on the 26h.
and still working four days a week. jobs great, bu gettign terrified i'll loss i for somehing supid.
think i'm developing an anxiey disorder. everything scares me. it's not event that i'm afraid of anything specific, i'm just affriad. i have to check that my straitners are off about three times before i leave the house, then more often then not i have to go back to check them again.
i feel like stress and panic and strain is crushiong my head and i think my scull it going to crack.
*goingtoburnthehousedownbyforgettingtoturnmystraighnersoff*
*goingofailthisyearmeaningthats£5750downthedrainandmelettingdowneveryone*
*goingtogetfired*
*goingtogethitbyavanwhenonemybike*
*goingtogetfat*
*nevergetridofannasvoiceinmyhead*
*willneverhavecontrolwillmnverhaveconrol*
now stop crying, repeat that five times and try having a good night sleep. you have to be up at 6 to go to uni, you have exams to revise for. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 26th, 2012|10:42 pm] |
today i did not wake up and think 'i wish i was dead'. so things must be on the up.
so..want to know about my week of shit? if no, look away now.
-relisation that i have to do the hole flat hunting thing again has sunk in,
-house hunting going no-where, everywhere is to expensive to o far away
-realised that exam for immunology is not in may, it's next month
-looked at past exam papers, and had a panic attack when i realise i could't awnser any of the questions. IF I FAIL THIS EXAM THATS £6000 DOWN THE DRAIN.
-spent 4 hours finishing an essay when i relised i'd writen about the wrong thing, sort of. had to stay till the library closed re-writing the fucking thing.
on wednesday, after really struggling to get out of bed at 6:30am, i got a flat tyre on the bike ride in, then the lecture that i had come in for was FUCKING CANCELLED AT THE LAST MINUTE.
-had a go at fixing my bike that night, but the next morning the tyre properly exploded, so am now totally without bike.
only work is fun. got to work hyper japan today, so many girls in so little clothing. and lernt how to make candy floss, which i'm really good at, so i might go join a ravelling carnival.
if next week doesnt go any better my end up dead.
so stressed. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 21st, 2012|10:42 pm] |
hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting hate room hunting.
diana and Kath have had an offer acepted on a house and the landloard wants to renovate, so i have a couple of months and i'm out.
cunting shit bollocks whore cunt cunt cunt.
love where i live, don' want to move.
not a happy bunny
also have alot of work i do, and exams looming.
and even though i'm taking on more shifts at cyber candy i'm still fucking broke. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 6th, 2012|01:37 pm] |
in brief
-i have so much work to do for uni, even though i'm getting alot done, theres still so much more to do
-i'm working monday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday and monday.
-i'm broke
-i'm so fucking tired but i just can't sleep
-its cold
-the cycle to uni is getting harder and harder
-i somehow managed to drop a kilo in a week
-i've had a headache for three days
-whats a good birthday present for a nine year old girl?
[edit]
oh, and to top it all off i seem to be shedding the skin from the roof of my mouth again. |
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schnarm's journal